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My heart rather sank when a letter arrived at our home this week, addressed in capital letters to ‘MINNIE THE DOG’. It’s an occupational hazard of my trade as a columnist that, from time to time, I receive anonymous abuse and even the occasional death threat through the post at the Mail’s head office in Kensington. … Read more
My brilliant late father, who would have turned 100 this week had he lived, was fond of delivering mock-pompous Johnsonian pronouncements (no, not that Johnson; I mean Samuel, of dictionary fame). Three in particular stick in my mind. The first was his reaction when I passed my 11-Plus, after I told him that school friends who’d … Read more
Once in a while, even in these grim times, there comes a snippet of news to lift the most downtrodden heart. Such a morsel of cheer lifted mine this week, with the evidence in yesterday’s paper that young people have no business to sneer at us old folk when we suffer the occasional senior moment. For … Read more
From time to time on this page, I like to suggest modern contenders for the Kingsley Amis Prize, which I award every so often to the phrase I currently judge to be the most depressing in the English language. Set up in memory of the late whisky-loving novelist, it celebrates Amis’s famous declaration that the … Read more
The first time I met Lady Georgiana Gascoyne-Cecil, daughter of the present Marquess of Salisbury, she was sitting astride the sink in the pantry at a friend’s party in Notting Hill. There was a long queue for the lavatory, and she just couldn’t wait. But far from showing any sign of embarrassment over her predicament, … Read more
One year ago today, I resolved that 2020 would be the year in which I finally fulfilled ambitions I’d kept simmering on the back burner for decades. Now that I was semi-retired, I’d have plenty of time on my hands. And with money still coming in from my weekly excursions on this page, I’d have … Read more
By this time in December, if 2020 were a normal year, I’d already be wilting under the stresses and strains of the festive season. I don’t mean the business of buying and wrapping the presents, ordering the turkey, choosing the tree, inviting the guests, putting up the decorations, baking and icing the cake, writing the … Read more
Think of an idyllic English summer, and what is the first image that springs to your mind? If you’re anything like me — and there are still a fair few of us old dreamers left — you’ll see a cricket match in progress on a lovingly tended village green. Under an ancient oak tree by … Read more
Tonight I will be sleeping in the spare room — but not for the reason you may think. All right, I admit that our marriage, like so many others, has suffered its fair share of strain during all these months we’ve spent under house arrest. Indeed, even after 40 years together, we still find new things … Read more
Words that often come back to haunt me were spoken years ago by the youngest of my four sons, then aged about ten, on one of the mercifully rare occasions when I found myself in charge of cooking supper: ‘Dad, why is it that everything you cook comes out orange?’ It was a fair question, … Read more