Boris says we should get on our bikes, but as I clambered on to my brand new one a couple of days ago and launched out into the road, I was insecure, wobbly and, quite frankly, terrified.
Early this spring, each of my teenagers got a bike and what a good decision that turned out to be. Dragging them on a mandatory ‘family walk’ every day was never going to happen, but whizzing around on two wheels got them out and kept us all sane. So when Boris said lockdown could herald a ‘golden age of cycling’, I was inspired.
There’s only one problem: I haven’t been a regular cyclist in years and never on busy roads. The last time I tried was on a beach holiday when, after a few glasses of rosé, I decided I could cycle on sand and tried to reach my accommodation a few hundred metres away.
Naturally, I fell off and I have a scar on one knee to remind me of my stupidity.
Susanna Reid (pictured) who was inspired by Boris announcing ‘a golden age of cycling’, shared her experience of cycling in London
So my experience is patchy, but I have a romantic idea of cruising about on one of those Dutch bicycles we used to call a ‘sit-up- and-beg’ bike, with a basket on the front carrying bunches of flowers, fresh bread and possibly a fluffy dachshund.
However, I live in South London, not Amsterdam, and traffic levels are almost back to normal.
But there are plenty of novices like me. A survey this week found that 19 per cent of commuters are now more likely to cycle to work to avoid scary Tube trains and crowded buses. And seven out of ten of those are new or rusty cyclists, not eager Mamils (Middle-Aged Men In Lycra).
The first challenge for us newbies, however, is buying a bike at all. Online sites are sold out or warning of long waits, with sales up 50 per cent. Graham Stapleton, chief executive of Halfords, says he’s seen ‘big growth in the number of female customers and under-35s buying bikes’ in particular.
Which is great for Boris’s cycling initiative, so long as we feel safe enough to use the things.
I’ve never had the gumption to cycle on London roads before, but I’m determined to be brave. After all, isn’t the Government spending £2 billion making streets safer for walkers and cyclists?
Thankfully, a canny colleague tracks down a bike for me, a gleaming, red Ridgeback Avenida 7 (ridgeback.co.uk). My first go doesn’t start well: trying to manoeuvre it out of my house, I end up with bruised shins.
I borrow a helmet from my son because I’m scared to go without one, even though they aren’t compulsory. This amazes me —helmets seem like a very good idea. Indeed, I scare the living daylights out of myself by reading what Sophie Ellis-Bextor says about falling off and hitting her head on concrete next to the Thames recently, sans helmet.
There’s a wobble as I gain my balance — like that moment when your dad pushed you off as a child, promising ‘I won’t let you go’, and then you’d realise he had.
Susanna (pictured) argues Boris has a long way to go, before nervous newbies will be comfortable staying on their bikes
It feels wonderful knowing I can still do it, but the first hazard is a surprising one — pedestrians, nearly all absorbed in their phones as they cross the road. Plus, social distancing on narrow pavements means they keep swerving into the road. At one point, I play a nervous game of chicken with a runner, before he ducks between parked cars.
As I investigate the roundabouts and A-roads of Streatham, I learn to be grateful for cycle lanes. But I’m scared to move into the ‘cycle zone’ at traffic lights, in the knowledge I’ll be slower moving off than the cars behind me.
I won’t be cycling to work any time soon. It’s too dark when I leave home at 4am, there’s too many speeding drivers and helmet hair wouldn’t look good on air. But I still want to do it.
Boris is said to be evangelical about cycling since discovering obesity was a significant factor in the severity of his Covid-19.
Well, if he wants to keep all the nervous newbies on their bikes, he’s got a long way to go.
Yes, there are changes planned — London Mayor Sadiq Khan wants to create a huge car-free zone, and Transport Secretary Grant Shapps speaks grandly of ‘speeding up the cycling revolution’ — but too many cyclists are killed on Britain’s roads. There were 99 deaths in 2018.
Susanna said Primark (pictured) is a godsend, revealing that she stocked up on gifts from the store last Christmas
To create a revolution, we need cycling routes that work across the country. And better bike safety training for everyone — from me to the drivers that zoom past at the lights.
Back to you, Boris!
Don’t be such snobs! I love a Primark haul
Lengthy queues formed outside the nation’s Primark stores long before they threw open their doors on Monday. Unlike others, I’m not one to sneer. Primark is a godsend. Last Christmas, I stocked up on toys, pyjamas and slippers similar to Uggs, but at a fraction of the price. Fashionistas call it Primarni — and I’m not too snobby to say that if I hadn’t been on air, I’d happily have joined a Primark queue.
Would you rather quarantine in a Bake Off B&B or a Strictly suite?
Susanna admits she couldn’t go into quarantine with her colleagues, as it’s revealed the stars of Bake Off will have to quarantine together. Pictured: Judges Paul Hollywood and Prue Leith
The modest three hours a day I spend with my colleagues is about right — I certainly couldn’t imagine going into quarantine with them.
Picture it: Piers Morgan starting arguments all the time, while Dr Hilary Jones gets fed up with us consulting him on every minor sniffle.
So we should spare a thought for Strictly’s tireless professional dancers, who will live together in a quarantine hotel in order to film their spectacular routines safely. The stars of Bake Off will have to do the same to protect 80-year-old Prue Leith, who is technically classed as vulnerable (pictured with fellow judge Paul Hollywood) — though that’s a word I would never dare use to describe her.
It will be a real plunge into the deep end for new presenter Matt Lucas.
At least they’ll all get to feast on treats knocked up by Prue and Paul.
Why’s my hair not growing?
After three months of neglect, my hair seems to have stopped growing entirely.
Piers was convinced I was lying when I denied having a sneaky trim, but I haven’t taken advantage of the rogue Lockdown Lockcutters.
Apparently, there are all sorts of reasons why your hair might stop growing, including split ends, breakage and overuse of heated styling tools — in my case, it might be a combination of all three!
I do finally have an appointment at the salon towards the end of July, after I made my way up the waiting list.
My hairdresser Ramona won’t know where to start.