A widow who lost her husband to brain cancer says she became ‘ill’ while caring for her husband because she wasn’t taking care of her own health.
Sara Challice, 49, from London, met her husband Neal through work in 2002, but just six weeks after their first date, Neal was diagnosed with a brain tumour.
The former graphic designer cared for her husband for 13 years before he died in 2015, and appeared on This Morning today to speak of the impact being a full-time carer had on her physical and mental health to mark Carers Week.
She told that her ‘world became smaller’ as a carer, that she felt isolated from family and friends, and that she wasn’t ‘checking in on herself’ as much as she should have been, while focusing her attention on Neal.
Sara Challice, 49, from London, and her husband Neal on their wedding day in 2004. The couple were advised by Neal’s oncologist to bring the big day forward and Sarah said the uncertainty of their future made the occasion even more meaningful
Sara and Neal on holiday together in Florence, as they rushed to make as many previous memories as possible when Neal was told his condition was incurable
‘I think it’s naivety, said Sara, ‘I got on well with Neal and I just said “get better, I’m here for you”, not realising the impact it would have on us for 13 years.’
She went on: ‘My world became smaller as a carer. I was looking after him, suppressing my emotions, not seeing my family and I wasn’t checking in on myself and my health.
‘I was too busy looking after Neal, I fell ill. I rang the local hospice, I said “I don’t know what to do, I’m too ill”. She [Neal’s nurse] said “I was expecting this call”.’
Sara met Neal, who was 12 years her senior, through work and the couple had their first date in April 2002, enjoying a romantic afternoon tea date.
Sara appeared on This Morning today to speak of the impact being a full-time carer had on her physical and mental health.
Sara and her husband Neal on holiday in Amsterdam in 2002, after Neal had started treatment again following his remission. She said that not knowing how long they had together made their love even more intense
The couple on holiday in Gran Canaria. Sara became Neal’s full-time carer and the couple decided to make as many happy memories as they could before their time ran out
‘I always enjoyed his company, said Sara, ‘He took me out for lunch, he asked me out and we started dating and having a great time.
‘Within six weeks of us going out, he had pins and needles down his legs and he was diagnosed with a brain tumour.’
Scan results revealed he had a satsuma-sized brain tumour. He was put on steroids to reduce swelling and transferred to Charing Cross Hospital in London, where he had a six-hour operation the following week to remove most of the tumour.
Biopsy results revealed it was a glioblastoma, the most common aggressive brain tumour in adults, which has an average prognosis of 12-18 months.
Neal had six weeks of radiotherapy and a six-month course of chemotherapy, spending a year in remission, and proposed that Christmas.
Neal and Sara enjoying a skiing holiday before his illness took hold. Neal told Sarah to leave him when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour six weeks after their first date
Sara and Neal on an outing to a carnival in London. For the last few years of his life, Neal was unable to speak and was confined to a wheelchair
However in the weeks following – Neal discovered that his tumour had returned.
Sara told: ‘He said “Sara you don’t have to marry me” and I said “Stuff cancer, we will make do with what we have”.’
Surrounded by family and friends, Sara and Neal got married on September 18 2004 on the golden staircase at the Institute of Directors in Pall Mall.
In December 2010, Neal suffered a stroke, which left him unable to stand, swallow properly or speak.
‘I had given up my career in the city to care for him. Neal was using a wheelchair and doctors were saying, “He is a do not resuscitate”,’ said Sara.
She refused to have Neal put in a nursing home, with a team of carers helping out at home.
Sara has since penned ‘Who Cares?’ a book for carers to help them regain balance and joy in their lives
However after eventually finding herself unable to cope, Sara went on a retreat – recommended by Neal’s hospice nurses.
‘That’s when I got clarity, said Sara, ‘This time I was caring for Neal, but I was caring for myself as well.’
Neal died on September 6, 2015 and Sara has since penned ‘Who Cares?’ a book for carers to help them regain balance and joy in their lives.
Speaking of his death, she said: ‘Neal had been suffering for a long time. When he did pass, I said, “Thank you”.
‘I didn’t want him suffering and it was too much for both of us. I feel like I could sit down for that week. When you’re caring, you’re responsible for their life, and I think that’s too much.’