In the world of mobile communication, we have all carved out our own ‘online personalities’ and habits – from the guaranteed repliers to the non-repliers.
Whether you are known to have sudden urges to socialise before retreating back and ghosting, or you’re one of ‘those’ who frequently sends the ‘sorry, I only just saw this’ texts, your phone habits could say more about you than you think.
Neil Wilkie, UK-based relationship expert and founder of The Relationship Paradigm, suggests people are more likely to respond to messages if they appeal to their preferred method of processing information.
Speaking exclusively to FEMAL, the expert has provided an insight into what your typical behaviours say about you – and the person you’re messaging.
Neil Wilkie, UK-based relationship expert and founder of The Relationship Paradigm , has provided some expert insight into what your typical behaviours says about your personality. Pictured, stock image
THE GUARANTEED REPLIER
In this world there are those we can rely on for a speedy response and those who you know not to contact in an emergency.
So what is it about people that makes them a guaranteed replier, and why do we choose to contact them in particular?
Being a guaranteed replier
According to the expert, people who are known for always replying to texts may be motivated by the ‘please others’ driver, which makes them more tolerant and flexible to others’ needs.
However, if they are trying to please others, there’s a danger that we may put too much of a load on them.
‘They may also be replying from a deep sense of love, friendship or desire to meet our needs,’ he explained. ‘They may not have much going on in their lives and so have the time and space to respond.’
Neil went on to say that guaranteed repliers could also have the ‘be perfect’ driver and be focused on doing the ‘right thing’ – so may not give an authentic response.
Texting a guaranteed replier
Neil suggests we tend to message people who are guaranteed to reply because we feel safe and secure doing so.
‘We know that they are reliable and feel that we are important to them.’ he explained.
He added that people approach guaranteed repliers because it gives them positive affirmation and makes them feel good.
‘We may also get a hit of that feel-good hormone Dopamine, which is wonderfully addictive,’ he added.
Neil suggests people have a tendency to message guaranteed repliers to get positive affirmation and make themselves feel good (stock image)
THE INTERMITTENT REPLIER
There is nothing worse than a flaky person who says they will do something and then ducks out at the last minute.
Well, intermittent repliers can often be tarnished with the same brush – never knowing whether or not you will get a response from them.
Being an intermittent replier
It can often be easy to be branded an intermittent replier when life gets in the way of us getting round to looking at our phones.
And Neil says there may be other time pressures which push replying to messages to the bottom of a person’s list of priorities.
‘Your connection with them might also not be too good; for example they may think you are not really there for them,’ he explained.
In addition, he suggested intermittent repliers may have a ‘try hard’ driver, which leads to them being overburdened and unable to say no.
Texting an intermittent replier
Messaging an intermittent replier can be a risky game, especially if you need a response within a certain time frame.
Neil says the uncertainty as to whether the intermittent replier will get back can create anxiety, leading us to ask questions such as, ‘Why haven’t they replied, are they OK?’
He added: ‘This can be very uncomfortable for us and we may reduce our connection with them.’
THE NON-REPLIER
It does not matter what day, what time or even what season it is, you can guarantee non-repliers will never get back to you.
Being a non-replier
The relationship expert suggests there may be a range of reasons why a non-replier behaves the way they do – perhaps they never receive the messages or the phone is broken?
He says a person who consistently does not reply to texts may be going through a real crisis and so are unable to bring themselves to respond.
‘They also might not have got what they need from interactions in the past and it has become easier to ignore messages than deal with them,’ Neil explained.
Additionally, he notes the non-replier may have the ‘hurry up’ driver and is more focused on getting tasks in their immediate life done, leaving them little time to rest and socialise.
Texting a non-replier
Neil says texting a non-replier and getting nothing in response can lead to people thinking they are unimportant to the non-replier.
He suggests people will begin to think the person they are messaging is just plain rude, instead of understanding they do not reply to anyone.
Neil continued: ‘We may give up trying without finding out what is really behind this behaviour.’
THE DELAYED REPLIER
Some people in this world are not designed to do things at a fast pace and their lives can seem to move in slow motion when compared to the more manic groups of people – and their texting personas are no different.
Being a delayed replier
More often than not, Neil says delayed repliers are too busy, or the messages they have received are not on their radar.
‘They will get back when the time or space is right for them. They may just have a laid back, Manyana approach to life,’ he added.
Or, he suggests, delayed repliers may have a ‘be perfect’ driver, which means it takes them a long time to create the right response.
Texting a delayed replier
By messaging a delayed replier, Neil says texters will begin to ask questions about the person and what they may be up to.
He says people will question what is happening with the friend they are trying to get hold of, asking where they may be or if they are OK.
Neil suggests it can leave people concerned that the delayed replier does not know how important it is to get a response from them.
THE SOCIAL BURST AND NEVER REPLIES BACK REPLIER
And lastly, there are the people who get a sudden urge to communicate, sending masses of messages in one go and then never replying back once they get a response.
Being a social burst replier
At an extreme, Neil says social burst repliers may be narcissistic and think the world is all about them.
‘At the other extreme they might be insecure and wanting to transmit their imagined world across social media rather than confronting reality,’ he explained.
‘In between, maybe also we are on the edge of their world and should not expect an individual reply.’
Texting a social burst replier
Neil suggests people texting a social burst replier may feel they are not actually interested in their lives and what they have to say.
He says people begin to think the social burster only wishes to broadcast to the world, as opposed to learn more about their friends and how they are getting on.