Married At First Sight recap: The REAL reason Natasha stormed out at the dinner party

Ten seconds in paradise led to a whole night of hell for Mikey, who triggered a premature evacuation when his lightening fast finish became the joke of the night.

Married At First Sight proved it’s willing to go to any lengths to deliver a legendary dinner party on Wednesday, even with a cast that’s about as exciting as a Wayne Bennett press conference.

So will Ivan let his troll flag fly? Will Amanda drop her soy beef with the vegan? And can stone-faced $tacey keep her eyes on the prize?

Sprint, not a marathon: Ten seconds in paradise led to a whole night of hell for Mikey, who triggered a premature evacuation when his lightening fast finish became the joke of the night

The 10-Second Man

Here for a good time, not a long time: Before the dinner party, we checked in with typically camera-shy Mikey, who was all of a sudden acting like the first man on the moon

Here for a good time, not a long time: Before the dinner party, we checked in with typically camera-shy Mikey, who was all of a sudden acting like the first man on the moon

Before the dinner party, we checked in with typically camera-shy Mikey, who was all of a sudden acting like the first man on the moon.

‘Yeah, we went all the way last night,’ he said, before flicking his cigarette butt in the principal’s face and driving off.

‘Best 10 seconds of my life!’ Natasha added, as Mikey’s confidence rocket came crashing down to earth.

Danny Zuko over here: 'Yeah, we went all the way last night,' he said, before flicking his cigarette butt in the principal's face and driving off

Danny Zuko over here: ‘Yeah, we went all the way last night,’ he said, before flicking his cigarette butt in the principal’s face and driving off

How was Sex Week for youse guys?

Sex week: As always, the first topic of conversation at the dinner party was, 'How was sex week for youse guys?' After hearing about Cathy's wild romp, Mishel started 'getting all these ideas'

Sex week: As always, the first topic of conversation at the dinner party was, ‘How was sex week for youse guys?’ After hearing about Cathy’s wild romp, Mishel started ‘getting all these ideas’

Nice try: 'No you're not!' Steve yelled from the distance

Nice try: ‘No you’re not!’ Steve yelled from the distance

‘So, who’s banged?’ 

Cathy & Josh – ‘Moaning At First Sight’

The payoff: These guys did it when Cathy was still halfway down the aisle

Stacey & Michael – ‘Makeup miracle’

Wild makeup sex after Michael went full Charlie Sheen through the streets of Fiji

Hayley & David – ‘You scratch my back’

These two needed the Hirudoid cream after a feisty Fetish Week fling

Natasha & Mikey – ‘Fast & the Furious’

Mikey was fast, Natasha was furious 

As always, the first topic of conversation at the dinner party was, ‘How was sex week for youse guys?’

So Cathy spent the next hour detailing her kinky cowboy romp in explicit detail.

Mishel’s eyes looked like they were about to fall out of their sockets.

‘I was listening to Cathy talk about her sex life and I’m getting all these ideas…’ she said.

‘No, she’s not!’ her husband, Steve, yelled from the distance. 

A few seconds of awkward silence ensued, and then…

‘Mikey lasted 10 seconds!’ screamed Natasha, who would have burst if she didn’t let it out.

Michael looked gutted, but more of that later. 

The Born Again Vegan

Good girl gone bad: Amanda rocked up alone dressed like she'd just come from a funeral, which isn't far off based on the week she'd had

Good girl gone bad: Amanda rocked up alone dressed like she’d just come from a funeral, which isn’t far off based on the week she’d had

Amanda rocked up alone dressed like she’d just come from a funeral, which isn’t far off based on the week she’d had.

Tash came bounding in a few minutes later and introduced herself to the new girl.

‘Hey, how’s it going? I’m Tash. Have we met?’ she said, shaking her bride’s hand.

‘I’M YOUR WIFE, YOU VEGAN FLOP!’ Amanda replied, instantly jogging Tash’s memory with her trademark aggression. 

The new girl: Tash came bounding in later and introduced herself to the new girl: 'Hey, how's it going? I'm Tash. Have we met?' Amanda replied, 'I'M YOUR WIFE, YOU VEGAN FLOP!'

The new girl: Tash came bounding in later and introduced herself to the new girl: ‘Hey, how’s it going? I’m Tash. Have we met?’ Amanda replied, ‘I’M YOUR WIFE, YOU VEGAN FLOP!’

The Good Wife

Married At Fight Night: Ice cube baron Michael was trying to start as many fights as possible

Married At Fight Night: Ice cube baron Michael was trying to start as many fights as possible

At dinner, ice cube baron Michael was trying to start as many fights as possible.

His probing questions brought out the worst in Steve, who momentarily forgot that the whole idea of the show is to act like you don’t hate your wife.

‘Be quiet!’ he barked at Mishel, who was simply trying to add her two cents to a situation she knew nothing about. 

Think happy thoughts: After ruining yet another marriage, Michael leaned over to Stacey for a celebratory kiss. She was clearly hating it

Think happy thoughts: After ruining yet another marriage, Michael leaned over to Stacey for a celebratory kiss. She was clearly hating it

After ruining yet another marriage, Michael leaned over to wife Stacey for a celebratory kiss. 

She was clearly hating it, smiling through the pain of being married to an eight-year-old trapped in a millionaire’s body. 

I wonder what she $ees in him?

What's their secret? Stacey smiled through the pain of being married to an eight-year-old trapped in a millionaire's body. I wonder what she $ees in him?

What’s their secret? Stacey smiled through the pain of being married to an eight-year-old trapped in a millionaire’s body. I wonder what she $ees in him?

Premature Evacuation 

Backfire: In the explosive main event, Mikey's 10-second performance blew up in his face

Backfire: In the explosive main event, Mikey’s 10-second performance blew up in his face

In the explosive main event, Mikey’s 10-second performance blew up in his face.

It was a completely staged moment that saw pot-stirrer Michael act like he was SHOCKED Natasha had outed her husband’s fast finish.

This is the same Michael who yelled ‘See you in 10 seconds, champ!’ whenever Mikey went to the bathroom.

'Don't sex shame your lad!' It was a completely staged moment that saw pot-stirrer Michael act like he was SHOCKED Natasha had outed her husband's fast finish

‘Don’t sex shame your lad!’ It was a completely staged moment that saw pot-stirrer Michael act like he was SHOCKED Natasha had outed her husband’s fast finish

‘Don’t sex-shame your lad!’ he screamed at Natasha out of nowhere. 

He got in Mikey’s ear next, telling him how Natasha’s acid tongue had turned him into the laughing stock of the experiment.

Mikey, who had been joking about his performance all night, suddenly (as if being directed by a producer?) decided he was too embarrassed and needed to leave.   

Job done! He got in Mikey's ear next, telling him how Natasha's acid tongue had turned him into the laughing stock of the experiment

Mikey walked off after deciding he was offended

Job done! He got in Mikey’s ear next, telling him how Natasha’s acid tongue had turned him into the laughing stock of the experiment. Mikey walked off after deciding he was offended

Ivan to the rescue? Ivan chased after him to try and talk him off the ledge. Seriously... Ivan? That's like asking for James Bond and getting Austin Powers

Ivan to the rescue? Ivan chased after him to try and talk him off the ledge. Seriously… Ivan? That’s like asking for James Bond and getting Austin Powers

Ivan chased after him to try and talk him off the ledge. Seriously… Ivan? That’s like asking for James Bond and getting Austin Powers.   

So why send Ivan out? Because a) he’s a producers’ pet and b) he’s easily the best actor out of the entire cast – he is a real estate agent, after all.

After speaking to Mikey, Ivan came back to deal with Natasha. 

‘You’ve really embarrassed Mikey, he feels betrayed’ he said, dutifully reading from the teleprompter.

So why send Ivan out? Because a) he's a producers' pet and b) he's easily the best actor out of the entire cast - he is a real estate agent, after all

So why send Ivan out? Because a) he’s a producers’ pet and b) he’s easily the best actor out of the entire cast – he is a real estate agent, after all 

Natasha stormed off in tears, delivering a Logie-winning performance of her own. 

But wait, why was Natasha storming off? Isn’t 10-second Mikey the one who was humiliated?

Well, if you’re a MAFS producer, there’s really just one option: You go with the only person capable of delivering a satisfying performance that climaxes at exactly the right moment.

And sorry Mikey, that’s not you. 

My turn! Natasha stormed off in tears, delivering a Logie-winning performance of her own

My turn! Natasha stormed off in tears, delivering a Logie-winning performance of her own