Former Real Housewives Of Orange County star Kara Keough Bosworth gave birth to her second child, a son, McCoy on April 6 and on April 12 he died from birth complications.
She penned a heartbreaking tribute for McCoy on Monday, the day he would have been three months old.
Alongside a somber black and white photo with her husband Kyle Bosworth, who she married in 2014, and their baby boy before his untimely passing, the 31-year-old reflected on her grief and milestones her son should have been reaching.
Heartbreak: Kara Keough Bosworth penned a heartbreaking tribute for McCoy on Monday, the day he would have been three months old, alongside a somber black and white photo before his death at six days old
‘You would have been three months old today,’ Kara wrote. ‘But instead, I’m three months into the deepest pain I’ve ever felt.’
In the lengthy post she opened up about her continued grief, and the difficulties she is facing.
‘I’ve survived three months when I didn’t think I’d live another three second,’ she continued. ‘How has it been so long since I smelled you and felt your weight?’
The former reality TV star wrote ‘each day’ since McCoy’s birth ‘has felt like the longest day, a summer solstice of suffering.’
Pain: ‘You would have been three months old today,’ Kara wrote. ‘But instead, I’m three months into the deepest pain I’ve ever felt.’ In the lengthy post she opened up about her continued grief, and the difficulties she is facing
Despite her world coming to a halt, life is going on.
‘And yet, somehow, time is passing. Time is pushing on, moving my body begrudgingly into another day,’ she wrote. ‘Another day further away from the last time I held you in my arms.’
Kara went on to share the questions she has about the little person her son would have been becoming, the memories she, Kyle and their daughter Decker, aged four, would have been making.
‘Who would you be today? Would you be blonde still, or bald,’ she questioned. ‘Would you smile bigger for mommy’s singing or with daddy’s beard tickling your belly?’
Big sister: Kara went on to share the questions she has about the little person her son would have been becoming, the memories she, Kyle and their daughter Decker, aged four, would have been making
Of the relationship she expected Decker to be forming with her little brother she asked: ‘Would your sister be sneaking into your room and trying to lift you out of your crib even though we’ve told her not to three times already? Would she even be able to lift you by now?’
She even though of how McCoy would be learning to love the family’s fur babies.
‘Would you track the dogs with your eyes, discovering your love for them already,’ she wrote. ‘Would you swipe your hands at all your new best friends, reaching out to pull hats and bows off their heads?’
Kara imagined her family would be introducing McCoy to other babies he would know for life.
Missed moments: ‘Would we be FaceTiming with Caden, visiting Charlie, and taking pictures with Duke,’ she wrote. ‘Would your Uncle Korey be as obsessed with you as he is with your sister’
‘Would we be FaceTiming with Caden, visiting Charlie, and taking pictures with Duke,’ she wrote. ‘Would your Uncle Korey be as obsessed with you as he is with your sister?’
As she is grieving for the loss of her son, it is not the only loss she is grieving.
In May, just weeks after losing McCoy, her father Matt Keough also died, at the time she wrote ‘You’re on grandpa duty in heaven now.’
‘Would missing grandpa be easier with you here,’ she wondered.
To remember: Since the family’s tragic loss, Kara has been open about her grief, finding comfort in a doll that is weighted to McCoy’s at birth, and a small tattoo she got in his honor
She opened up about how she and her family continue to feel the loss of McCoy every day, but never let moments pass without him in mind.
‘What would our days look like with you in them,’ she asked. ‘We’re still making room for you in everything we do.’
‘We kiss you goodnight, we say “hi baby” when we see signs of you, we feel you everywhere,’ she wrote. ‘There’s a space where you should be, but each day it’s feeling less like a gaping hole and more like an invisible fullness. We love you, McCoy.’
Double grief: As she is grieving for the loss of her son, it is not the only loss she is grieving. In May, just weeks after losing McCoy, her father Matt Keough also died. ‘ ‘Would missing grandpa be easier with you here,’ she wondered
Memory: ‘We kiss you goodnight, we say “hi baby” when we see signs of you, we feel you everywhere,’ she wrote. ‘There’s a space where you should be, but each day it’s feeling less like a gaping hole and more like an invisible fullness. We love you, McCoy’
Since the family’s tragic loss, Kara has been open about her grief, finding comfort in a doll that is weighted to McCoy’s at birth, and a small tattoo she got in his honor.
Last month, posting an update, Kara showed off the design, an M, made with traditional tattoo ink and some of McCoy’s ashes, while holding a teddy bear with a ribbon bearing her son’s name.
Talking to Good Morning America , Kara said she was ‘literally begging God to save my baby’ as she fought ‘a Herculean effort’ for nine minutes to push out her son with the help of a licensed midwife.
She had committed to an unmedicated delivery and entered a birthing pool during labor with her husband Kyle by her side.
Loss: Kara gave birth at home on April 6, the baby suffered from complications and was not breathing and was then rushed to the hospital
When it came time to push, the baby got stuck after his head was delivered, a condition known as shoulder dystocia, and it caused his umbilical cord to be compressed, cutting off his oxygen supply and causing devastating brain damage.
The midwife called 911 when it became apparent the infant was not breathing and he was rushed to hospital.
Although medics managed to get his heart beating again, the newborn suffered traumatic brain damage and couldn’t be saved.
Kara is the daughter of Jeana Keough who was a housewife on RHOC from season one to five and continued to make friend or guest appearances on the Bravo show up until season 12.