Davina McCall reveals lockdown gives her an ‘anxiety about the unknown’ that she has never felt before… and admits she ‘can’t let go’ of her beloved sister Caroline who died 8 years ago
Davina McCall has revealed that being in lockdown amid the global health crisis has left her feeling anxiety for the first time in her life.
Taking to Instagram Live to discuss her ‘headspace’ with her followers, the TV star, 52, admitted to feeling uncertain about ‘the unknown’ as the coronavirus pandemic rages on.
‘Generally, I would almost class myself as annoyingly chipper. And i know that everyone is a bit like marmite,’ Davina said. ‘My enthusiasm and positivity can be phenomenally annoying to a lot of people. But it is what I am and it is who I am.
Anxious: Davina McCall has revealed that being in lockdown amid the global health crisis has left her feeling anxiety for the first time in her life
‘When work stopped four weeks ago I fired off all cylinders for four days. And then I hit a wall. And I suddenly got tired and unmotivated. The last two days I got a wave of anxiety about the unknown that I have never ever experienced before, and it really freaked me out!
‘I am feeling a bit better today. I think, like me, people are having waves [of anxiety].’
Davina is in lockdown with her children Holly, 18, Tilly, 16, and Chester, 13. She added: ‘My daughter Holly has had a wave of grief about her big exams that were this summer. She’s 18, and leaving school. She’s grieving the loss of not having that, of never getting that.
‘We’re all having waves of emotion. And because of lockdown, because we can’t do anything or go anywhere they’re magnified. They’re like times 10.’
Worries: Taking to Instagram Live to discuss her ‘headspace’ with her followers, the TV star, 52, admitted to feeling uncertain about ‘the unknown’ as the coronavirus pandemic rages on
She continued: ‘Certainty – that’s my thing. There’s no certainty with anything anymore. I used to… I’m a planner. My life, since I was 13 or 14 years old, it’s almost like I mapped my life out. I love a plan. It’s slightly dangerous.’
At one point in the video, Davina brought an urn into the shot – revealing that it contained the ashes of her late sister Caroline, who died in 2012 from cancer, aged 50.
‘I’ve had a weird experience in lockdown. This is my sister Caroline,’ she explained, holding the urn. ‘My sister in an urn with me. I didn’t have the heart to let her go, so she stays with me.
‘She died when she was 50 from lung cancer. It was very quick. We were very co-dependent. She lived with me and had done for most of my adult life. She’s always with me.’
Davina spoke openly about her past addiction to alcohol and drugs.
‘Always with me’: At one point in the video, Davina brought an urn into the shot – revealing that it contained the ashes of her late sister Caroline, who died in 2012 from cancer, aged 50
Sweet: ‘I’ve had a weird experience in lockdown. This is my sister Caroline,’ she explained, holding the urn. ‘My sister in an urn with me. I didn’t have the heart to let her go, so she stays with me’
‘I’m not an ex-addict, I’m an addict. I’m a recovering addict,’ she explained. ‘I now do not see myself as an addict, but I do know that it is dormant. And I do know that it doesn’t really ever go away.
‘The thing that I realise is that I don’t want to go back. If someone waved a magic wand and said “can you drink again?” there would be no desire whatsoever to drink.
‘And I think there’s something lovely about my kids being able to turn to me and they know I’ll have my whits about me and I’ll always be able to sort something out. I’ll always be able to pick them up in the car even if it’s midnight. I won’t be drunk.
‘I’m dependable, I’m reliable. I’m basically dad’s cabs.I’m everybody’s favourite friend. I like that and it’s given me a good feeling of self-worth and self-esteem.’
Of drinking she concluded: ‘I don’t miss it. I’m a lunatic, sober – I don’t need it!’