Rugby star Danny Cipriani has revealed he once tried to buy a gun to kill himself in a video posted on Instagram following ex-girlfriend Caroline Flack’s death.
Cipriani, 32, opened up about his past mental-health struggles in a heartbreaking 18-minute video posted on his Instagram account to his 211,000 followers.
The former England player revealed that he had been talking with Ms Flack, who killed herself over the weekend, for the past three to four months.
He said that the ex-Love Island host tried to contact Cipriani last Friday night, just hours before she tragically took her own life.
Cipriani said he felt ‘safe’ sharing everything with Ms Flack, and claimed ‘it was ultimately embarrassment and shame that killed her’.
Cipriani was unable to take the call or respond to her message because he was playing for Gloucester against Exeter in the Gallagher Premiership.
In the video, the former England superstar revealed that he went through ‘severe depression’ aged 22, and contemplated committing suicide.
He said: ‘Someone that I loved as a person very dearly and someone I’m very close to has decided to take her own life, as everyone knows.
‘I’ve been speaking to her for the last three, four months. We’ve always been in contact since we were together, since we weren’t.
‘It’s always been a loving friendship.
‘I was so vulnerable with her in my moment, when we first met, and I told her everything about me because I felt safe with her.
Danny Cipriani (pictured) opens up about his own struggles in a heartbreaking 18-minute video posted on his Instagram account to his 211,000 followers
‘I told her all the things I was embarrassed and shameful about.
‘And she made me feel OK.
‘And ultimately it was embarrassment and shame that killed her.
‘So I’m telling everyone now what my most embarrassing and shameful moments are, because I know she knew I had the strength to do this.
‘We had spoken about how things had to change.
‘I didn’t know it was going to take this.’
An emotional Cipriani then continued: ‘When I was 22, I was going through severe depression. I was seeing a psychiatrist.
‘I met a guy who was at a nightclub, he ended up being around.
‘I knew he was a bad man, was in the scene, trying to make his way in whatever he was doing. I decided at this point it was time for me to take my own life and I tried to buy a gun from him. And I pulled out. Then I tried to buy it again, but I pulled out.
‘This went on for two months. I couldn’t do it. Because I had some fight in me.
‘That was something that I went through and I’ve had to carry that.’
He went on: ‘She [Ms Flack] knew everything about me.
‘The reason I’m saying this is because embarrassment and shame is not something that should make you do this.
‘It’s how we treat people and look after everyone, cause everyone has embarrassment and shame to some sort of degree.
‘Whatever it is, we be kind, we try to be gentle.’
Cipriani called Ms Flack (pictured leaving Highbury Corner Magistrates’ Court last December) as ‘so kind and so beautiful’ and ‘never malicious’
Miss Flack killed herself at home (pictured) in Stoke Newington, East London
Cipriani said that Ms Flack, who he described as ‘so kind and so beautiful’ and ‘never malicious’ contacted him last Friday night before she killed herself.
He claimed: ‘I have to see the meaning she decided to call me in her last moments, which was with her two best friends. How much love and trust did she have for me, because we had been vulnerable and shared together?
‘She felt it was a safe space, so I thank her for that, cause I felt safe with her.
‘She texted me on Friday and said that she had to plead guilty – and I had a game.’
He finished the post by revealing that he intended to publish a voice note she left him 15 days ago, saying: ‘I have to release this for me.
‘This is for me, this is for her. I miss her.
‘I’ve written her messages that she’s not going to read.’
Ms Flack was found dead in her flat in northeast London last Saturday, aged 40.
An inquest this week heard how the radio and TV presenter, who won Strictly Come Dancing in 2014 and hosted The X Factor in 2015, hanged herself.
Her body was discovered by father Ian, and she was identified by sister Jody.
She had been charged with common assault by the Crown Prosecution Service following an altercation with her boyfriend Lewis Burton last December.
Although former tennis professional Mr Burton, 27, did not want the prosecution to proceeds, the CPS doubled-down earlier this month.
Ms Flack’s team have blasted the CPS, accusing it of deliberately pursuing her to a ‘show trial’ despite knowing she was of a fragile state of mind.
Francis Ridley, of management company Money Talent Management, said following her passing: ‘The Crown Prosecution Service pursued this when they knew not only how very vulnerable Caroline was but also that the alleged victim did not support the prosecution and had disputed the CPS version of events.
‘The CPS should look at themselves today and how they pursued a show trial that was not only without merit but not in the public interest – and ultimately resulted in significant distress to Caroline. Our thoughts are with Caroline’s family at this time.
‘In recent months Caroline had been under huge pressure because of an ongoing case and potential trial which has been well reported.’
- To contact the Samaritans, call 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org